Sad :(

Once again, I am struggling with the Christmas holiday. I cherish being with my husband and my kids, and my friends and family, but I still have yet to “get into the spirit” of decorating. I am eternally grateful for Christmas because I would have no hope without my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I am sad for the Guiltners and I can’t get Weston out of my mind. I go to music class and I just sit and stare at this little boy because he looks similar to Weston when I first met him. I find myself feeling like ditching class, but I want to see this little boy. Maybe I’m just nuts, but I have not taken any other death as hard as Weston’s. I also find myself feeling close to Weston when I’m in the presence of his parents though I don’t see them as often I would like. I have been used by God to encourage and to pray for people in ways that I never have been before. I have experienced more growth and have borne fruit for the kingdom of God. For this, I can only be thankful to God for continuing to grow me and prune me for His purposes. I give Him control over everything in my life and I trust Him and thank Him for being in control of all that happens in my life. I praise Him forever and ever.

The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven. ~Hebrews 1:3

That time of the Year

The holidays are bittersweet for me now. I am heartbroken for the Guiltners and I am reminded of them in all of the little things that I cherish doing with my kids. This time last year I was attending a grief support group and I think it really helped me get through. I think that I am handling my sadness pretty well now (at least compared to last year), but I can see little things in myself that tell me I am definitely still struggling. My emotions are pretty much all over the place on any given day. But, I thank God for giving me compassion and mercy and using me to bless others.

I thank God many times daily for the Guiltners and their faithful commitment and service to God’s people. I think of them when I hear this song, so check it out if you’d like!

Lord God, hold Clay and Erin and all those who love and miss Weston in the palm of your hand and comfort their hearts with your amazing love.

 

Update

DISNEY ON ICE!!!

We were blessed to go to the Disney Ice Show by a family member and her family member. We had a wonderful time…Sienna still talks about it! Thanks Shannon and Kim!

ARKEEENSAW!!!

 

We were blessed to visit Fayetteville and Bentonville over fall break. The hubby was up there working anyway, so we just went along for the ride and stayed busy with the majestic beauty of Arkansas. The mountains were awesome and really reminded me being back in Tennessee……

MY FIRST 5K RACE!!!

My first 5K was a success. My goal was to finish….and praise God I did just that. I didn’t have specific time goals for myself, but I think I did pretty well (39:13 guntime; 38:51 chiptime)! I am now looking forward to my next race which is in December…we’ll see how I do in the COLD weather!!!

EMOTIONAL…TRIGGERS!!!

I have been particularly emotional lately. As I learned in my grief support group, birthday parties are a trigger for me and especially so with regard to Sienna’s birthday party. I am spending extra time with my heavenly Father this week as Sienna’s birthday and party approach. I pray for His protection and provision and love and comfort to abound at THIS party. I pray for the Montgomery’s and the Guiltners and for our family and all of our friends who will attend the celebration of Sienna’s third year of life. I do not take one precious moment for granted for I know that God’s plan reigns and that He is both the giver and the taker.

I can only praise my God for carrying me through the events of this past year. I can praise Him for my spiritual growth and development. I can praise Him for using me to further His kingdom on this earth. I praise Him because of who He is. Thank you Lord for holding me and my family and friends in the palm of Your hand!

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ~Romans 8:28

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. 
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.” ~Job 1:21

I continue to praise Him in this storm despite the fact that my human mind will never be able to reconcile the tragic losses of these precious babies. Real faith is faith in that which we don’t see…….I continue to praise God and hold fast to my faith in Him and His omipotent power and perfect plan!

Approaching Another One Year…

Before tragedy struck, Sienna’s second birthday party was met with excitement and great anticipation…after all, it was her first real party.

This picture is literally minutes before I was met with a crowd of screaming people announcing that a child had been ran over by a tractor. 18-month-old Zoe was killed only yards away from where we continued celebrating Sienna’s second birthday. Oh my, I still struggle with the association of such tragic loss and my baby girl’s birthday party. The events that happened that night (after having experienced the loss of Weston) really and truly knocked me down and changed me. I was left broken, speechless, and shattered. I sunk into depression and sadness that I had never known before. I had sunk so low that my only option was to look up and wholeheatedly trust in my God to hold me in His hand and carry me through these tragic losses. My faith was tested and God brought me through victorious and closer to Him than I ever dreamed possible. My heart continues to ache, I continue to cry, I continue to have days that seem impossible to bear. But, I always go back to some of my favorite veres (James 1:2-4) that remind me that as a Christian living in a fallen world, I should not be shocked when trials come and that they ultimately work for my good.

My prayers are now and forever with Clay and Erin Guiltner and Shane and Carrie Montgomery. These families have experienced losses that are unimagineable to most. I thank God for Clay and Erin Guitlner and their continued faith and service to God. They have not ever turned from their faith and that is a true testimony of the power of faith in Jesus Christ and the matchless hope that Christians have in Him. May God continue to comfort their tender hearts and provide for and sustain their families.

Weston Luke Guiltner and Zoe Madeline Montgomery. Always remembered. Always loved. Thinking of you until we meet again….    

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;  persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. ~II Corinthians 4:8-10 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ~Romans 8:28

One year

It’s been exactly one year since Weston went to heaven. It is strange because it seems like it has been such a long time, but at the same time it seems like only yesterday that I saw those big blue eyes and saw sweet Weston in all his glory. Today, we prayed as a family three times for the Guiltners, as well as individually throughout the day…I know that God is holding them nearly and dearly as they continue to cling to their faith and hope in Jesus Christ. Below are some pics from our visit to Weston’s trees today.

I bought the sign because it made me think of Weston. He was a John Deere fan and the sign is reminiscent of that. And, the scripture John 3:16 is so fitting given the fact that Weston’s life and death and his parent’s faith have bore fruit for the kingdom of God. The other “momento” is simply a bookmark that also made me think of Weston, Clay, and Erin. This verse (Jeremiah 29:11) has given me comfort over the past year.

We continue to love and miss Weston and pray for his mom, dad, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends…the list of those touched by sweet Weston goes on and continues to grow. I thank God for having known darling Weston if but for a moment…he touched my heart and continues to bring a smile to my face whenever I think of his busy little self.

I have been very emotional lately and I continue to grieve for Weston, but it is different now than this time last year. I praise God for His comfort, love, and strength that has surrounded me throughout this year. I am thankful for the friends who I have called sobbing and asked them to pray with me over the phone…it is such a powerful thing to FEEL God’s presence and love surround you when your soul is aching. Prayer is SUCH a powerful thing and when you have more than one believer praying…look out!!!

Lord, I thank you for carrying me through this year and using the tragic loss of Weston (and little Zoe) to bring me closer to You. I thank you for being in control of all and placing me where you want me in every aspect of my life. I love You Lord, I thank You, I praise You. Continue to sustain the Guiltner family and all of those whose hearts ache for them and sweet Weston. You are holy and awesome and there is none like you. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.

Be gracious to me, O Lord,  for I am languishing; heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled. My soul also is greatly troubled. But you, O Lord–how long? Turn, O Lord, deliver my life; save me for the sake of your steadfast love. ~Psalm 6:2-4 (ESV)

My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life. ~Psalm 119:50 (NIV)

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort. ~II Corinthians 1:3 (NIV)