Update

DISNEY ON ICE!!!

We were blessed to go to the Disney Ice Show by a family member and her family member. We had a wonderful time…Sienna still talks about it! Thanks Shannon and Kim!

ARKEEENSAW!!!

 

We were blessed to visit Fayetteville and Bentonville over fall break. The hubby was up there working anyway, so we just went along for the ride and stayed busy with the majestic beauty of Arkansas. The mountains were awesome and really reminded me being back in Tennessee……

MY FIRST 5K RACE!!!

My first 5K was a success. My goal was to finish….and praise God I did just that. I didn’t have specific time goals for myself, but I think I did pretty well (39:13 guntime; 38:51 chiptime)! I am now looking forward to my next race which is in December…we’ll see how I do in the COLD weather!!!

EMOTIONAL…TRIGGERS!!!

I have been particularly emotional lately. As I learned in my grief support group, birthday parties are a trigger for me and especially so with regard to Sienna’s birthday party. I am spending extra time with my heavenly Father this week as Sienna’s birthday and party approach. I pray for His protection and provision and love and comfort to abound at THIS party. I pray for the Montgomery’s and the Guiltners and for our family and all of our friends who will attend the celebration of Sienna’s third year of life. I do not take one precious moment for granted for I know that God’s plan reigns and that He is both the giver and the taker.

I can only praise my God for carrying me through the events of this past year. I can praise Him for my spiritual growth and development. I can praise Him for using me to further His kingdom on this earth. I praise Him because of who He is. Thank you Lord for holding me and my family and friends in the palm of Your hand!

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ~Romans 8:28

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. 
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.” ~Job 1:21

I continue to praise Him in this storm despite the fact that my human mind will never be able to reconcile the tragic losses of these precious babies. Real faith is faith in that which we don’t see…….I continue to praise God and hold fast to my faith in Him and His omipotent power and perfect plan!

Approaching Another One Year…

Before tragedy struck, Sienna’s second birthday party was met with excitement and great anticipation…after all, it was her first real party.

This picture is literally minutes before I was met with a crowd of screaming people announcing that a child had been ran over by a tractor. 18-month-old Zoe was killed only yards away from where we continued celebrating Sienna’s second birthday. Oh my, I still struggle with the association of such tragic loss and my baby girl’s birthday party. The events that happened that night (after having experienced the loss of Weston) really and truly knocked me down and changed me. I was left broken, speechless, and shattered. I sunk into depression and sadness that I had never known before. I had sunk so low that my only option was to look up and wholeheatedly trust in my God to hold me in His hand and carry me through these tragic losses. My faith was tested and God brought me through victorious and closer to Him than I ever dreamed possible. My heart continues to ache, I continue to cry, I continue to have days that seem impossible to bear. But, I always go back to some of my favorite veres (James 1:2-4) that remind me that as a Christian living in a fallen world, I should not be shocked when trials come and that they ultimately work for my good.

My prayers are now and forever with Clay and Erin Guiltner and Shane and Carrie Montgomery. These families have experienced losses that are unimagineable to most. I thank God for Clay and Erin Guitlner and their continued faith and service to God. They have not ever turned from their faith and that is a true testimony of the power of faith in Jesus Christ and the matchless hope that Christians have in Him. May God continue to comfort their tender hearts and provide for and sustain their families.

Weston Luke Guiltner and Zoe Madeline Montgomery. Always remembered. Always loved. Thinking of you until we meet again….    

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;  persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. ~II Corinthians 4:8-10 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ~Romans 8:28

One year

It’s been exactly one year since Weston went to heaven. It is strange because it seems like it has been such a long time, but at the same time it seems like only yesterday that I saw those big blue eyes and saw sweet Weston in all his glory. Today, we prayed as a family three times for the Guiltners, as well as individually throughout the day…I know that God is holding them nearly and dearly as they continue to cling to their faith and hope in Jesus Christ. Below are some pics from our visit to Weston’s trees today.

I bought the sign because it made me think of Weston. He was a John Deere fan and the sign is reminiscent of that. And, the scripture John 3:16 is so fitting given the fact that Weston’s life and death and his parent’s faith have bore fruit for the kingdom of God. The other “momento” is simply a bookmark that also made me think of Weston, Clay, and Erin. This verse (Jeremiah 29:11) has given me comfort over the past year.

We continue to love and miss Weston and pray for his mom, dad, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends…the list of those touched by sweet Weston goes on and continues to grow. I thank God for having known darling Weston if but for a moment…he touched my heart and continues to bring a smile to my face whenever I think of his busy little self.

I have been very emotional lately and I continue to grieve for Weston, but it is different now than this time last year. I praise God for His comfort, love, and strength that has surrounded me throughout this year. I am thankful for the friends who I have called sobbing and asked them to pray with me over the phone…it is such a powerful thing to FEEL God’s presence and love surround you when your soul is aching. Prayer is SUCH a powerful thing and when you have more than one believer praying…look out!!!

Lord, I thank you for carrying me through this year and using the tragic loss of Weston (and little Zoe) to bring me closer to You. I thank you for being in control of all and placing me where you want me in every aspect of my life. I love You Lord, I thank You, I praise You. Continue to sustain the Guiltner family and all of those whose hearts ache for them and sweet Weston. You are holy and awesome and there is none like you. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.

Be gracious to me, O Lord,  for I am languishing; heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled. My soul also is greatly troubled. But you, O Lord–how long? Turn, O Lord, deliver my life; save me for the sake of your steadfast love. ~Psalm 6:2-4 (ESV)

My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life. ~Psalm 119:50 (NIV)

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort. ~II Corinthians 1:3 (NIV)

Heavy Heart

I’m having a rough night. It’s almost been a year since Weston went to be with Jesus and…I can’t really explain it.  It seems like he was just here, like he hasn’t been gone so long…and yet it feels like forever since I saw him in all of his energy, wonder, and zeal. I can’t wrap my mind around it, so I simply continue to pray. My heart aches that Weston is no longer here on this earth despite the fact that he has entered the kingdom of God and that I will get to see him again one day. My heart is devastated for Clay and Erin and the unimaginable loss that they have endured and that they continue to endure each day without the joy and laughter that sweet Weston brought to their lives. And yet, their unshakeable faith and service to the Lord continues to inspire me, touch me, and comfort me. My tears have begun to flow freely again in anticipation of the anniversary of Weston’s death. I am planning to remember Weston and celebrate his life and the wonder, energy, love, and happiness that he brought to those who knew him. In his short time on earth, he touched so many hearts and from heaven, he continues to do the same. I lift Clay and Erin to the Lord right now and ask for His peace, comfort, strength, and indescribable and unfailing love to surround them and carry them through yet another first that they must encounter without their sweet, precious son.

I Am: A Poem by Devyn

I Am

I am a good friend and loving brother,

I wonder if my dreams will come true,

I hear your voice calling out to me,

I see no more sorrow,

I want pain to go away,

I am a good friend and a loving brother.

I pretend I am an engineer,

I feel that life will be a challenge,

I touch the brightest star,

I worry about sick people,

I cry about Weston Luke Guiltner,

I am a good friend and a loving brother.

I understand I’m not perfect,

I say silly things,

I dream about becoming an engineer,

I try to make my dreams come true,

I hope my dreams will come true,

I am a good friend and a loving brother.

 

From Sienna’s first day, Devyn has adored her and doted on her. They have a beautiful relationship. He had to write this poem for school and the opening part was given to them and they had to fill in the blanks. It touched me deeply that a big part of his identity is dependent on his being a big brother. When I was pregnant with Sienna, I was incredibly concerned of the impact a new baby would have on him…after all he was an only child for eight years!!! But, I gave it all to God and look at how it all turned out!!! Praise God!!! We all continue to pray for the Guiltners (Weston’s parents) and the Montgomerys (Zoe’s parents) as the anniversaries of their homecoming to heaven approaches. I have lots to add to the blog, but I have been busy (school) and the kids and I have all taken turns being sick. More to come…soon I hope!!!